


You are my Center

by MysticallyGallavich



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Gallavich, GettingMickeyout, Lawyer!Ian, Love, M/M, MY BABIES, Post Season 6, SAVEME, littleangst, prompt, workingitout
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-31 05:28:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12125547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticallyGallavich/pseuds/MysticallyGallavich
Summary: Prompt: Hi If you're taking gallavich story requests atm Where Ian becomes a counsellor or legal aid(lawyer) and visits Micky in prison and tells him he's getting out soon.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [we-found-love-in-la-la-land](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=we-found-love-in-la-la-land).



> I tried to fix as many mistakes as i could, but im sure i missed many. bare with me, im getting used to having nails again. its really a disaster. lolol. LOVE YOU GUYS. 
> 
> and sorry for taking so long on this.

Ian was sitting at his desk when the file flew over it. Landing on top of the rest of them. He rolls his eyes, he really hates when the intern or assistant, whatever the fuck she was did that. they belonged in a fucking Pile. He grabbed the file to put it in it's place, with the long list of shit he had to do today but he stopped, dead in his tracks. Mickey Milkovich. He sucked in a breath, he knew that fucking name, all too well. He glanced at his computer, the work he was supposed to be doing if he ever wanted to make partner, and then back down at the file that he already knew would add to his long list of shit he wasn't getting paid for.

Not like he was actually going to put it down. A request to be released, he read over the file, planning on only glancing at it but it didn't turn out that way, hours had passed and he was still at it, taking in details that he already knew all about. It was a conflict of interest. It really was, him taking this, but who else would take it. Nobody around here, and he owed it to him. So he stood up, and headed down to the office down the hall. He needed to take this. He didn't know if it was guilt or what, but whatever.

\-------

 

"You really want to take this Gallagher?" Warren asked him. and Ian nods his head.

"Alright, counts as one of your pro-bonos. and don't let it affect any of the other cases we have you on alright?" and Ian nods and steps away from the door a little. "Oh, and Gallagher...." The man says.

"Yes, sir."  
"Send me the file; see what I can come up with for you." Warren says and Ian nods.

\--------------------------  
Ian spent weeks just looking over the files, he didn't want to miss anything, there was no detail too small or inconsequential. Back then, when Mickey had been locked up, he didn't understand the legal system like he did now, not that he was in any condition to do anything to help the man. Now he was, he worked his ass off to get here. Had gone back and gotten his GED, and worked tirelessly at a community college until his grades were high enough to get into a law school. And here he was now. A few months out of law school, working at a law firm. Granted most of his work was sorting through files, but this wasn't just some case, this was Mickey. And after all of the shit he pulled back in the day, he needed to make sure Mickey was safe. Maybe then he could stop feeling like this.

But the more Ian read, the angrier he got, if he had been all there back then, he could have stopped this shit, this case was bullshit. No fucking proof...besides the word of a crazy woman who has long been hospitalized by now. and fingerprints on a fucking shipping crate...but...there were other prints...God this was a mess.

\------

It took months to come up with a game plan, and even longer to work out the details of the release. Getting the case re-opened had been the hard the hardest part, and thankfully the partners at the firm were extremely good and their jobs and adored Ian, or this would have never worked.  
So here he was, talking to the D. A’s office on Mickey’s behalf, he wondered if anyone had told Mickey, he wondered because he hadn’t, not yet. But someone had to inform him, right?

 

 

“Milkovich….” The warden spoke in a calm an cool voice. Whatever he had to tell him, Mickey was uninterested but he sat there all the same. “Your case has been reopened.” He said calmly and Mickey took a double take.

“Huh? Could you repeat that?” He asked. His case, the case which had him sitting behind bars for the next 8 years. The case that had given him fifteen years, had ultimately taken him away from Ian, not that Ian was his to have anyway. But it kept him from fixing them, left him angry and cold, and Ian who had refused to visit him the last 6 of it.

“Your case re-opened, apparently some poor lawyer has a hero complex, fought to get it re-opened, anyway, you will meet with your lawyer tomorrow.” He says and Mickey just stares blankly at the man.

\--  
When Mickey looks up from the table the next day, he cannot entirely describe the array of reactions that work themselves within him. Confusion…Concern…there he is. Ian Fucking Gallagher is standing before him after six years, but not just any Ian Gallagher, but a more grown up, mature, in a suit, no less.

“Gallagher…I didn’t know it was Halloween?” he says snarking at the man that he once…still…loved.

“Funny…I’m your lawyer.”

“Yeah okay…nice try…” Ian crosses his arms as Mickey speaks telling him he’s not kidding.

“Okay well I'm a legal assistant, but I'm working on it. But I am yours, and I am your only hope at getting the fuck out of here, so the snark isn’t necessary.”

“have you met me?” Mickey asks quirking up an eyebrow.

“Mick…”

“Don’t. Ian…Just don’t. you’re here…for your conscience, or whatever, get me out of here then, then we can be done.”

the task at hand was a hard one for both men. For Ian, this was everything he had been avoiding and In the coming weeks, not only did it take every ounce of energy he had, and late nights to come up with a strategy, and as someone who hadn’t fully grown to his potential in law, it was a hard task, but the fact that he was personally and emotionally invested. And that was the biggest problem in itself. There was a time not too long ago where Mickey was everything, everything Ian could and would ever want out of life and even now that hadn’t ever really changed. Everything else had changed but the power the strong and angry man had over him was all but the same that it had been when he was a confused teenager. He had fallen for Mickey Milkovich a long time ago and it was inside him. He had made a lot of mistakes but loving Mickey could never be one of them. But he had fucked up, royally and he had spent the last six years trying to forget the life he had before Mickey was taken out of it. Granted a good majority of It had been on him. He had decided after he had stood on those steps and let Mickey go, because of himself, because of his illness, because of everything that had happened, everything that he had done.

He had decided after he saw Mickey get arrested, because though he had never told anyone, he had saw it, he had snuck back out, and watched the whole thing play out. He had thought mickey would find a way out, a way out of this mess but he hadn’t, and seeing him like that destroyed him. And he did the only thing in his mind he thought that he could do. He pretended not to care, he got paid to go see him, even though that’s all he ever wanted to see, was his mickey. It had killed him to act like he didn’t care but he did because its what he had to do. But there was one thing he would do for Mickey, even if he never told him, he would get better like Mickey had always wanted. So, he did what he had to do. He got medicated and while he was evening out he started to study.

Ian Gallagher got his GED and he signed up for classes at the community college. So here he was, he had gotten through 2 years of community college, will excellent grades and transferred, to the University of Chicago law school, while working towards his degree he started working as a Para-legal at Bronson Law Firm and he was still there now. And now he was able to help the only person that ever meant anything to him, but he wouldn’t let him know how he felt any longer. There was one thing Ian Gallagher knew for sure…Mickey Milkovich deserved better.

For Mickey it was all about showing no emotion. He had finally opened up, let it all out, told Ian how he felt. He finally gave Ian everything he thought Ian had ever wanted from him and it blew up in his face. And now knowing that Ian had gotten his life together, he was proud of him sure, he was obviously medicated and doing well but the questioned remained inside Mickey's head. Did he finally grow up and get his life together because Mickey was out of his life? Out of his way, with all of his own baggage. Was he truly happier now that Mickey was no longer in the picture?

Mickey had spent a lot of time in the last years of his life in prison considering what would happen to Ian without him. If he would wait, if he would still love him if he ever really did? Would he continue to spiral out of control, with his only support being his family who weren’t ever really all that good at knowing what Ian needed. But after all, maybe he was wrong about it all. Ian had apparently gotten himself all together all on his own, or maybe not, maybe there was a piece of the puzzle he was missing. Maybe Ian did have someone. A boyfriend maybe? Maybe after all Ian had found someone good for him, that could do what Mickey hadn’t been able to do. All of this hurt too much to think about, so instead of asking the questions running within him, he just sat stoically, every time Ian came to discuss his plans for the upcoming hearing. No emotion, just talking to his lawyer, and then it would be done, done forever. He could get out, and leave Ian be, forever this time. Forever done. Maybe it should have been a long time ago for all he knew, but what he did know, is that’s how it had to be now.

\--

“Okay…so tomorrow…we need to go, over what happens tomorrow.” Ian says lightly sitting in front of Mickey for what seemed like the millionth time.

“I know exactly what's happening tomorrow Ian", Mickey spoke calmly and quietly showing no emotion.

“Tell me then,” Ian spoke professionally as hard as it was.

“Really? Is this fucking necessary?”

“Yes Mickey, it is. One thing goes wrong and it’s all over, we need the judge to agree to send this back to trial. We need him to believe that there’s a reason to waste the courts time and money on a new trial is worth it Mickey. That you are worth it.” Ian speaks the last part a little shakily which prompts mickeys sudden response.

“Am I?”

“W…what? Of course, you are.”

“Really didn’t seem like it when my ex-had to be paid just to see my face. And only came back out of guilt. Now did it?” He snarls.  
Ian stands up and turns away from Mickey because he has to. Mickey deserves a response but any response he gives in this moment will be fueled by emotion that he can’t control right now. He feels so out of control right now and it’s something he hasn’t felt since that day on those steps when he felt so out of his element in anything in everything.

“Go ahead walk out again. I’ll see you in court.”

Ian closes his eyes. And does the only thing he can think of to do, he holds up his hand as if to say he needs a minute. He knows it will piss Mickey off but he hopes he can understand but what really does he expect? He hasn’t given Mickey a chance to get to know what he needs at any given time. He sucks in a deep breath and bends slightly trying to get to his center. But the horrible truth always was and always had been, his center his life was standing right behind him and there was no getting away from that.

“What are you doing?” Mickey asks.

“Just a sec…I need…” he doesn’t finish his thought because what he truly needs he can't ask for so he turns back, stepping towards his brief case.  
\--

Mickey watches Ian curiously, is he having a panic attack? Was it a symptom of his illness? The anger floated away from him, because now he was scared. He had seen many versions of Ian, but this wasn’t one of them and it terrified him. Ian didn’t say a word for a minute he just grabbed a small device. It looked like a recorder maybe? And he put earphones in his ears. Whatever was playing on that device seemed to calm him down. He sucked in a breath like whatever was playing in his ears was the sweetest most beautiful thing in the entire world. And then he was back.

“Ok, sorry about that. Mick…listen to me, you are better than this place, you deserve better. I played my own part in you being here and I will get you out but you have to work with me. On a personal leveL, I get that you hate me, I get it. I understand it, I don’t have to like it, but I get it. On a professional level, I need you to do what I tell you to do. You can tell me to fuck off about anything but this alright?”

“What was that?” Mickey asked, still focused on the tiny black box in Ian’s hand.

“Did you hear me, Mick?” Ian asked avoiding the question obviously.

“Uh, yeah. Sure. Tomorrow. Hearing. I’ve changed, but I didn’t do what I was accused of. No evidence. Not guilty. Not the thug I was raised to be, would like a chance to rise above my circumstances. Anything else?”

“On your part no. Now I just have to convince the judge to move you before next week. I’ll see you tomorrow bright and early.”

\--

Mickey spent the night thinking about what he had witnessed, was the thought of actually talking to Mickey about their relationship, something that seriously sent Ian into a panic attack. Was he that scary or maybe there were just so many horrible memories there. It didn’t leave his head all day, in fact when they were sitting in the courtroom he was so distracted that Ian had to nudge him when it was his turn to speak but apparently it worked for him because the judge took it as remorse or some bullshit and he agreed to open the case. Now Ian was at the bench discussing moving Mickey, before Terry got transferred in. He looked over at the open briefcase and there sat the recorder and he couldn’t help himself while Ian was distracted, and what he heard wasn’t what he expected.

It wasn’t a calming song, or some calming voice but instead it was his own voice playing in his ears. An old voicemail. “Hey Ian, its Mick…again. I know your busy and shit, heard you're doing pretty good, anyway…proud of you, love you. Goodbye Ian.” He stood in shock but it kept playing, another voicemail. That’s what had calmed him down? He slowly put the recorder back in the suitcase before Ian turned around and walked back. Ian smiled lightly at him which meant he was getting moved.

“Mr. Milkovich based on your good behavior as late, and the circumstances brought to my attention. I am approving you being moved to Minimum Security facility during your trial. Don’t make me regret it.” The judge said before dismissing the court room.

“Thanks, man.” Mickey said sincerely.

“it's not over yet Mickey. I will be there for your transfer in a couple of days, and we will strategize after you get settled in. but this is a start. It was a good day. A win.”

“Yeah, just you know, whatever happens…thank you.” Mickey says.

“How’d it go today?” Issac asked Ian as he came home and collapsed on the couch.

“good, got the trial.”

“then why do you look so fucking, defeated man?”

“it's hard, being there…that’s all. What's for dinner?”

“when did I become your housewife?”

“ha fucking ha, its Tuesday, your turn.”

“yeah yeah, its plated up, chicken carbonara with a side of meds to boot. Now tell me how much you love me?”

“You know what, fuck off,” Ian says headed towards the kitchen.

“So fuckin’ cranky. I'm out man...Fi called…she's worried. Call her.”

“yeah, why don’t you call her, since your so close.” He snarks a bit, he knows he's being an asshole, but he really can't bring himself to care.

“Nah…I have more important things to focus on tonight.”

“Oh, spare me.”

“don’t go all pouty on me man, it's not my fault that you are all moony-eyed over you “client” to go out and have fun. This guy right here, who's not attached emotionally or otherwise is going to go out and find some perfectly good ass to burry myself in. Try to get some sleep.” He says before walking out the door.

Issack Marshal had been Ian's best friend for three years now. They had flirted for a total of ten minutes before they had both busted up laughing for some reason, both knowing that they just weren’t into each other like that. Which was good, because Ian really needed a friend, and not another relationship that would eventually just blow in his face because of him still being hung up on his ex, and they later learned they were both way too dominant power tops to ever have gone farther than that anyway. It was good for him. It was actually zack that had made his little recorder for him, he went through Ian's phone when he had left it on the table, one day and combined all the recordings, well all the not I hate u messages, there were a few after all.

Ian could still remember the day he had played it for him. He should have been mad that he had gone through his phone but he was too grateful. Ian was having one of his panic attacks which were becoming a problem. It wasn’t directly related to his bipolar, just another thing about him that was fucked up. And he was in the middle of it, and zack played the tape, mickeys voice filtering through his ears and he started to breathe again.

And here he was, he didn’t get them much anymore, except for the other day, when Mickey was standing behind him, when he should have cut all his shit and just been honest, but what if it pissed Mickey off more, getting Mickey out of prison was far more important that getting whatever out that he had to say to the man.

\---

 

A few days later Ian sat across from Mickey in a quiet room that looked like a small interrogation room, one guard standing outside the door and it was just Mickey and Ian alone. Ian was rattling off strategy.

"Ian...Ian...red... Gallagher..." Mickey speaks over and over again until Ian finally stops talking, "wow that was so much easier when I could just blow you to shut you up. Ian coughs erratically at that, which makes Mickey laugh.

"what? Why were you trying to get my attention?" Ian says.

"that...we are going to talk about that...alright?"

"what?"

"your avoidance issue man, look, I get it, its uncomfortable, I don’t want to deal with it either but this shit is killing me, we need to just say whatever the fuck it is that we are skirting around and be over it, then we can move on, you can get me out of here, and then it's done, you can go home to your boyfriend or whatever, and I'll be free from jail."

"I don’t...umm...I don’t think this is a good idea Mick."

"too fucking bad. When have we ever did anything because it was a good idea man? Was it a good idea when you rushed into my house with a fuckin tire iron?"

"worked out pretty well if you ask me." Ian answers quickly, slightly blushing at the memory of the much younger versions of themselves ripping each other's clothes off.

"my point exactly. Just because it doesn’t sound like a stellar plan doesn’t mean it isn't. It can go both ways, it's something I need to do. Do you get that? I get that you don’t love me or whatever, but shit happened, and we need to fucking talk about it."

"what do you want to know?"

"let's start with why it is that you have to get paid to see me, but yet you have a recorder full of my voice that somehow calms you down? How about we start there firecrotch?"

"how did..you went through my shit? Really?" Ian asked confused.

"not the fuckin point man. You listened to it the other day when you were freaking out. I was thinking that I was gonna hear some woosa hippy shit or some song, but no, imagine my surprise when I'm faced with my own fuckin voice man."

"I'm sorry, it just, your voice...it calms me."

"how? I mean...yeah how but how did they start?"

"honestly Mick, I don’t even know. I really don’t. It's not directly related to the bi-polar, I just sometimes I spiral and I have panic attacks, doc says there's some shit I'm blocking about when I was with Monica or something maybe, or there's something I don’t want to deal with."

"why do I calm you?"

"because you always have in a way. It's weird, I know. But it's true. I didn’t even know how much until Zack made the stupid tape." Mickey raised his eyebrows, automatically jumping on the boyfriend train, but then why would a boyfriend make a tape of another man's voice.

"Zack?"

"roommate, best friend." Ian answers,

"you fuck him?" Mickey takes a beat. "you know what never mind, I really don’t want to know."

"no, I haven't. Would be fuckin awkward...that and I prefer to be doing the fucking and so does he."

"oooh top then...he into convicts? "Mickey jokes but obviously Ian doesn’t find it funny.

"are we done with this yet?"

"oooh, did I strike a chord princess...why is that? You left me remember?" Mickey says.

"Yeah, I get it Mickey, I fucking get it okay. I forced you out of the closet, I cheated on you, got sick on you, and then refused to believe I needed to get better, I left you and watched you get arrested. I didn’t help you when you needed me and I even refused to come to see you, I get that I'm the lowest of the fucking low, I get it. You hate me, and you can date, fuck or do whatever you want with whomever you want, but not someone that I see on a daily basis."

"calm down, I was joking Ian."

"just not with anyone I know. I get you out of here, you can find whoever you want, you can even bring him around to show me what a dick I was, to show me what I'm missing like I don’t somehow dream of you and everything we are or were every fucking night. I can survive almost anything, not that." Ian says the tears starting to build up in his eyes and he tries to blink them back.

"Whoa. Ian....seriously, I was joking with you. Come on. Look at me." Ian looks up lightly. "listen to me you little prick...if I was going to get back at you for breaking me, it wouldn’t be like that alright, none of that. Look yeah, I'm pissed you left me, that you forgot I existed for 6 years Ian, but I fucking loved you, still love you."  
Ian seemed to still for a while at that, not speaking not breathing maybe. Mickey watched him intently.

"why?" He finally asked.

"why what?"

"why do you love me? Why would you ever love me? I didn’t understand it that day on the stairs, and I sure the fuck don’t understand it now. I left you, I didn’t visit, I dated people...I didn’t wait."

"did you love any of them?"

"no"

"did you love me."

"since I was fifteen."  
-  
That was all that had been said that day, Mickey had nodded at Ian and the conversation was over, for that day anyway. And the next month they only talked strategy that was until the night before the trial. Mickey expected Ian to show up but he didn’t, instead, there was another cooperate looking asshole standing in front of him.

"Mickey Milkovich." The man said.

"who the fuck are you?"

"I will be your lawyer tomorrow."

"where the fuck is Ian?" Mickey asked. Angry. They had been doing fine, Ian had just been there, a few days ago.

"He won't be able to make it. He wants to...but he can't. I can do this. I'm good at what I do."

"I don’t want you...I want Ian."

"as a lawyer...or?"

"the fuck do you think you are."

"Issac"

"the roommate? He sent his roommate?"

"awe peaches mentioned me to the man he loves. How sweet."

"peaches?"

"like princess peach." Mickey actually laughed at that.

"why can't he be here?" Mickey asked.

"because I told him he can't. Listen mickey, I know you love him."

"that isn't your concern."

"but it is," Zack answered.:

"Oh, great here we go. You drinkin the Mickey is a worthless miserable man Kool-Aid. This your stay away from my best friend speech, your bad for him. Save it ok."

"To the contrary. You think that file showed up magically on his desk by some overeager intern? No, I put it there, he needed to see you, he was just too fucking stubborn to admit it. Dating these dickwads, who couldn’t possibly know or understand him. No, he screamed out your name when he was sleeping, he needed to see you. Alright, I don’t think you are bad for him, but this is. Going through this. If we lose, he can hate me, he can take that, but if he loses, if he loses his only shot to get you out of here...it will kill him, it already is killing him. He is verging on the edge of hitting a low, I can see it, he can feel it but he has to keep going, he needs you to be out, to be safe to be okay. I think we have a real shot at getting you out of here Mickey but that slight chance that we don’t...that can't be on him...it just can't."

"Is he okay?" Mickey asked.

"He will be. Now when I get you the fuck out of here...just know whatever you do, he will be okay, you have to do what you have to do for you, and I will make sure he's okay, but if you take him back like I think you ultimately will, I really think you will someday. Me and you will have a talk because he is not the same man that left you, he has killed himself for that every day, and if you want to punish him for that, it's fine, but don’t take him back and punish him for it. Take your time with it, because once you let him back in, once he forgives himself, he will need you completely. He loves you, more that he loves himself and I'm not saying that’s a bad thing but it can be...got it?"  
\---

While Ian isn't the one arguing the case, Mickey sees him enter the back of the courtroom and sit behind him. He looks tired and worn down but alright. He can't concentrate completely to what is happening right now, but he tries, he keeps looking back at Ian, who just smiles lightly at him every time he looks back. It's there that he makes a decision, a decision he wasn’t sure he would ever make but he made it.

When the judge speaks he turns his attention back. "Mickey Milkovich, the court finds you guilty....and then he kind of blacks out. It didn’t work he was going back in that fucking place. Just please don’t send me back to Terry. But then Ian is on him hugging him and he has a smile on his face.

"huh...why are you happy...?"

"Mick, did you not hear. You're free...time served...Mickey, you can go home..."

"Home? What...seriously?" He turns back towards the judge who nods in affirmation.

"Now Mr. Milkovich, I need you to listen closely to this. You are on probation for the rest of your time, you will be on house arrest, under the care of a responsible adult for the next 6 months. I understand Mr. Gallagher is willing to take care of that. After which time you will be required to hold a legitimate job, and keep on the straight and narrow, one slip up and I do mean one...and you will serve the rest of your time. Do we understand each other?"

"yes, sir." He says.

\---

"what did he mean by your taking care of it?" Mickey asked.

"well you can stay at the apartment...if you don’t want me there, it's fine...I can leave..."

"no...no..but six months...you sure about that..."

"yeah, mick... I couldn’t get ahold of your family, not like anyone but Mandy would have been eligible. It was the only way...we were gonna say zack, but since he insisted, I not do this case today...it worked out...but that’s only if you are okay with it. Like I said, I don’t have to actually stay there..."

"oh, would you shut the fuck up," Mickey says and then he decides to do what he's wanted to do for the last 6 years and he grabs Ian and plants a kiss on his lips.

"what was that for...?"

"to shut you the hell up Gallagher, god you can talk." And Ian laughs.

"come on Mick...we gotta get you home, the agents are gonna meet us there, to get you all hooked up to your new accessory. "and we are going to discuss that kiss." He adds.

"sure, thing peaches." He says.

"Issack! I'm going to kill you!"

"Oh, shut up, you love me, especially since I just got your lover out of the big house."

"Oh, fuck off."

"now Ian Gallagher, don’t forget, you have to feed me, or there will be no lookin' at this sexy ass," Mickey adds as they walk out of the court room.

"Mick...just a second... I just wanted to...I know it's not all better, but I'm going to fix this, fix us."

"I'm counting on it...but I would like to use a very sexy red-heads words against him...we don’t need to be fixed. I love you Ian...and we got six months of my not leaving the house to figure this all out...so get to sweepin' me off my feet. I'm going to enjoy this..."

"Oh yes you will...yes you will."

"and I'm going to spend it, not at home. Cheers." Zack says laughing.


	2. Center Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey longs for the days of being locked in the house with his boyfriend and just shutting the world out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my lovelies!!! Here is an update for this. hope you enjoy. Love you all.

You are my Center: Part Two

\--

Sometimes Mickey longed for the days of house arrest. It sounded silly, even to him. A little pathetic even.  It wasn't that he missed the confinement or the extreme boredom with nothing to do but stare at himself all day, no that, wasn’t it. He missed the time, the anticipation, the passion that he had shared with Ian during those six months.  Those first six months some two odd years ago. He missed that. Lately, it had been all work and no play for the couple.  He missed rediscovering each other and talking about everything they had never talked about.

He even missed the screaming and the fighting through every mishap they had ever put each other through. The way Ian would look at him when he walked in the door, and push him up against the wall taking him in, unable to keep his hands off of him. He missed that.  Between his being tired from work and Ian being utterly exhausted from his, they hadn’t had any alone time together, they hadn’t even had sex in…almost a month. Mickey was dying.

Tonight didn’t look good either, Mickey already knew, after Ian being on call all week and working himself into the ground. Mickey’s one day off this week, he was hoping to sweep his boyfriend off his feet and…well into his bed, but as they sat at dinner with Zack. Ian was barely holding his head up, at this point he would settle for holding his boyfriend until he fell asleep…maybe he could tempt Ian with a morning blow job…get him in the mood. But first, he had to get him into bed tonight. Zack needed to go the fuck home. And stop talking about his incredible sex life.  He liked the guy alright, but not so much at the moment, at the moment he wanted to kick him out. He was getting temperamental, and snappy, so he just picked up everyone's plates and headed into the kitchen to distract himself. Maybe by the time he was done, his boyfriends best friend would fuck right off.

\--

“Why am I still here Ian?” Zack asked his best friend quietly. Ian sighed. He knew Zack had a date to get to and Ian was about to fall over the table he was so tired.

“You can go to your date. I think I’m going to go to sleep anyway.” Ian stated, avoiding the real question. Why had Ian been looking at him everytime he had mentioned going to his date, every time he hinted that the night was over.

“That’s not what I asked. What’s going on? You usually can’t get rid of me fast enough. What’s up? Your boyfriend is like ten minutes from stabbing me, I don’t mind taking the heat for you, you know that, but I kinda need to know what I'm taking the heat for.” Zack eyed Ian.

“Do you remember about a month ago when I...um sent you to pick up my prescription?” He asked sighing.

“You get an adjustment and not tell him?” Zack asked, that made sense as to why Ian was suddenly picking up more hours, at the office, why he was so determined to make partner lately that he had been asking for more work instead of less.

“Not exactly. The pharmacy messed up…The meds they gave me were still bi-polar meds just not my dosage…it made me…I didn’t notice at first, we were so busy, me and Mick didn’t even have time to try to have sex. So I hadn’t noticed how un-aroused I had been getting until about two weeks ago. I had to fake being super exhausted because I didn’t want him to think it was his fault. I didn’t even know what had happened yet until I looked at the meds again.” He watched as Zack shook his head at him.

“It’s fixed, the meds then?” He asked lightly eyeing his best friend, knowing exactly where this was headed.

“yeah but…It’s like a whole adjustment period now. I’m so tired all the time and I can’t get hard…to save my fucking life…it’s like…it’s just like the first time.”

“Why don’t you just tell him that? He loves you. He was there the first time.” Zack reminded him that Mickey never left, he always stayed to help.  “It’s not like you haven’t had your moments in the last two years, Ian.” He chastised his friend. Trying to get through to him before Mickey came back in.

“But this...It’s different, it’s like before…I left him last time…I don’t want him to think….It’s stupid, I know it is. I’m just scared.” Ian hung his head. Trying to will himself to wake up for just a little bit longer.

“Alright…so whats the plan…You haven’t had sex in a while, eventually, …you're both going to be off and he’s gonna want to know why you don’t want to.   Or you could tell him your adjusting and he’ll understand.  You know…just because you can’t get off…doesn’t mean you can't find a way to get him off. Ian…you aren’t the same man you were back then. I know that he knows that, and I hope that you know that. So listen man. You go cuddle with your boyfriend and sleep. And tomorrow you tell him whats up. Or I fucking will.” He said sternly, and Ian knew he wouldn’t. He never would. But he had a point. Just then Mickey walked back into the room. Giving Zack a stare that said get out before I throw you out.

“I’m going to head out. Talk to you guys later. Get this one to bed yeah? He looks half dead.” He said before getting the hell out of dodge as fast as he possibly could.

 

\--

Mickey finished up everything and turned off all the lights following his boyfriend into the room, who hadn’t even made it to undressing fully before he was passed out on top of all the covers.  Mickey chuckled to himself. He loved that man. Every single day a little bit more. Right at that moment, it didn’t matter that he hadn’t been laid in so long it was painful. He shut that part of him off and undressed his boyfriend. Slowly moving him to get him under the covers.  If you had told Mickey Milkovich that he would be tucking in Ian Gallagher at any point at the beginning of them fucking. He would have punched that person in the nose and laughed while they bled. But here he was…loving taking care of his boyfriend.  He moved to get undressed himself and got as close to Ian as he could.  He smiled widely when he felt Ian's arm wrap tightly around him, Ian stirring just enough to mumble a light I love you.

\--

Ian had woken up earlier than Mickey, which wasn’t really odd or unusual. He got up and took his meds and make it around the house doing his housework and making some breakfast. Then he decided that maybe Zack was right. He couldn’t…yet but Mickey still deserved a little bit of release…then after he would come clean…he would tell him the truth. Maybe Mickey would be less upset if he was in his post-orgasm phase.

 

Ian made his way into the bedroom, taking in the image of the love of his life sprawled out on their bed, just the blanket covering him. He lifted the blanket from

The bottom and crawled under it. He looked down at himself before he got started signing, wishing this adjustment would pass now so he could fuck his boyfriend into the mattress. He missed the feel of Mickey around him. He missed every moment, every touch. Every fucking thing about it. He shook off the feelings reminding himself it was temporary.  He started kissing up Mickey's thighs. Buying a little here and there until his mouth was met with Mickeys already almost all the way hard erection. He started to lick, and stroke lightly. He heard the soft moans from Mickey starting to stir and he smiled as he took him fully into his mouth and started moving faster. He loved the taste of Mickey.  The way Mickey, not fully awake was moaning and arching into him. 

He knew when Mickey was fully awake Because he felt the hands on his hair, the blanket was thrown off. Mickey tried to stop him, probably because he wanted this to lead to the sec they had been missing but Ian would explain after he felt the warm cum drop down his throat.  He brought his hand up to play with Mickey's balls while he deep throated mickey. Then he circled his finger at Mickeys hole, sliding in the warm and wet ass, playing as he continued until he heard the familiar tell

And felt Mickey's body shake through the orgasm.

—

When Ian gets up, lightly wrapping a sheet around his waist to go and get food for them, he hears Mickey make a comment about returning the favor. He wants to tell him right then, he knows he needs to. He will, he tells himself. After food.  “Maybe later.” He whispers and the comment would be true if by maybe later, he means in a few days when he can gain. The thought makes him groan at himself which causes Mickey to shoot up and he’s in front of him before he can blink.

“What’s going on?” Mickey asks, his face is worried, Ian hates that look. He hates when anyone looks at him worried, but when Mickey does it breaks him, brings back everything he did in the past back to the surface for him. He is reminded why he didn’t want to tell Mickey in the first place. Fear. Fear that Mickey would remember how bad it was before.

“Can we eat first?” Ian asks defeated. He doesn’t bother pretending everything is okay, it will just make Mickey more mad when he tells him what he has to tell him.

“No. Something’s up. Tell me. What’s going on?”

“It’s about the…I can’t…we can’t. Fuck I’m so sorry.” He isn’t making any sense, he knows that boy does he fucking know that right now.

“Ian…Babe…Slow down. What is it? You too tired? It’s cool. Not the end of the world.” Mickey tries to help the situation like he always does but he knows nothing has clicked yet.

“It’s not that. Not too tired. Ugh. Okay. I’ll talk, let me grab the food, please? I just want to eat before you yell. Please.” Ian pleads he looks into his boyfriend's eyes whose soften and he nods but follows Ian into the kitchen and back to the couch. Mickey waits before he climbs on Ian’s lap. Not sexually, even though they are both naked. Mickey never does this, he never lets himself sit in Ian’s lap but somehow mickey can tell he needs it.

“I um…I was really busy at work…I did something Mickey, something I said id never do again.”  Mickey’s eyes widen, and he stills. Suddenly Ian knows what he must think and he has to stop this line of thought.  “No…I didn’t…not that. I didn’t tell you something that happened, that’s all. I swore I’d never not tell you something, and I was running low on meds..” He started.

“You stopped taking your meds?” Mickey asked tilting his head, Ian saw a light fire under them, If that had only been the case he would have an excuse for not telling Mickey the truth.

“No. I send Zack to get the prescription. I was just too busy to be bothered. I know its stupid now because zack wouldn’t know if they gave him the wrong meds and I didn’t check. It looked like the same bottles. It just wasn’t. They gave me the wrong doses.” Ian speaks fast.

“Okay. So you got it fixed right?” Mickey asks lightly, he doesn’t like to push where Ian’s illness is concerned. It had broken them once, and unless needed he let Ian take care of himself. Mickey knew the signs and he hadn’t noticed anything off lately. Suddenly feeling like an ass. They had both been so busy, maybe he just hadn’t wanted to pay the extra attention and realize something was wrong with Ian.

“Yeah, it took me two weeks to figure it out. It didn’t cause an episode, it just fucked with my…libido. We were so busy, I didn’t notice. Not for a while…until that day, you remember when we were going to go fuck in the shower, and I fell asleep on the bed…” he said and Mickey eyed him.

“you didn’t fall asleep.” He said with a straight face.

“No…I was freaking out. Everything you were doing was so fucking hot and nothing…no fucking reaction from downstairs. I just didn’t know what was happening. I checked the meds as soon as I could and went and got them fixed…but since they had been off…I’m still adjusting. I should have told you, I know.” Ian hung his head and Mickey didn’t let him, he tilted his head back up.

“Yes, you should have.”

“I picked up hours and stayed busy, working towards becoming partner because I didn’t want you to notice that I couldn’t. Until Zack basically told me I was being a fucking idiot last night.”

“You told him…and not me?” Mickey was hurt by that. Anything else he would be fine with, but not that.

“he was asking why I was being an ass about letting him leave, even though I was basically falling out of my chair. So I told him the truth. And how bad I felt that I couldn’t…and you hadn’t been getting any either. He basically told me just because I couldn’t don’t mean I couldn’t make you feel good.” He shrugged and Mickey rolled his eyes.

“So my surprise morning blow job was because Zach suggested it. Gross.” Mickey shook his head at Ian.

“No…I wanted to…I just knew that once I did, you would want to know why I didn’t need…more. We both know how much tasting you turns me on.” Ian smiled lightly. It was true. Usually, He couldn’t get on Mickey fast enough.

“And you didn’t tell me why? Thought I would be a little bitch about not getting laid? Man, I have toys. I would have been fine. I have been fine.” Mickey says. Even though he didn’t know, they had both been busy, he was a little sex deprived and cranky but that’s all.

“No, of course not. Me not being able to…anything dealing with my illness, it brings things up, things I don’t like to think about. Things I did…I didn’t want to remind you of all the fucked up shit I did..” He says sadly.

“Ian…You realize you’ve had episodes in the last two years right?”

“I know. But like this wasn’t an episode and last time…fuck I'm just so sorry.” 

Mickey sighed. He could yell at Ian more, in fact, he should yell at Ian more, but he didn’t, he just held on to him tighter. He would yell at him later.  Right now he could see the insecurities written all over Ian’s face and he hated that. He hated that Ina thought that if something about his illness came up that they would blow up in a disaster.

“Ian we both did a lot of shit in our lives together and apart from each other. We have gotten through all of that past all of that. So listen to me when I say, that it’s okay. And when something happens you need to fucking tell me. Okay?” He says and Ian nods.

“I know we can’t have sex today, but I still want to enjoy our day off…I’ll make you feel really good later.” Ian wiggled his eyebrows and Mickey rolled his eyes.

“You ain't gotta do that shit red. I am however gonna drag you back to bed. I’m fucking tired. And I missed your ass. So come on, free pass for make out and cuddle before we sleep.” Mickey laughed and Ian followed him.

Turned out to be a nice make out session, followed by Ian bringing out one of Mickey’s toys, begging him to let him watch him.

“Just because my dick doesn’t want to get the message doesn’t mean I don’t love watching you cum Mick.” He had reasoned to get him to do it.

Five days…is how long it took Ian to get an erection after that. Did it happen in the early morning, so he could properly flip his boyfriend over and fuck him awake? Of fucking course not. It happened in the middle of the day. While he was at work. He was texting Mickey, and Ian had asked for a picture. Mickey, of course, couldn’t help himself and sent one of him smiling…on the couch, then the next one was a dirty picture. He had been doing that sometimes. Ever since Ian had told him he liked to see him please himself while he couldn’t do it for him. 

Ian groaned when it happened, he was minutes away from an important meeting with the partners and there it was. Fucking erection. Not even one he could hide. It became painful fast. He didn’t text Mickey back after that just put his phone away, willing himself to calm the fuck down. But it had been over a month now. He needed this meeting over with, while he tried to find ways to hide himself, he made his way to the boardroom before anybody else and placed a binder on his lap and made sure his lower half was out of view of anybody else.

 The Meeting went on slowly agonizingly so. Ian had to get home to get out of there. He finally texts mickey back, something like…Not at work.  Mickey just laughed and went on with whatever he was doing. Not knowing that Ian was on his way home. Cutting his day really short, clouded with need, want, and desire. He tried to calm himself after all Mickey hadn’t had sex in just as long as he…but he had been able to…and Ian couldn’t quite explain what happened to his body when it woke up like this,  but with every step and every moment, it was becoming more and more unbearable.

…..

When he came into the apartment he heard his boyfriend's sexy voice from the back room. He heard the tone of Mickey’s voice, he was obviously doing some work or there was an issue, so while Mickey was distracted he took the time to get what he needed and to strip out of his work clothes. Hopefully, it wasn’t so bad of an issue that Mickey had to go into work, Ian was itching at the thought of touching Mickey, feeling him, actually feeling him. 

Ian stood in the doorway watching Mickey, at his own desk. He had always had it, a room to use as an office, now they shared it, and Mickey always looked so hot sitting behind it. He listened for an ending to Mickey’s conversation, but he just sounded more and more frustrated.  Ian heard a low growl exit his throat as he watched.  Mickey looked up quickly and quirked an eyebrow. Not noticing Ian’s current lack of clothing. Probably assuming Ian was just coming home for lunch.

Ian took the opportunity to move quietly, getting down on the floor. His mouth watering in anticipation. Finally feeling the weight of all the moments in the last month that his body had not been in control. All the moments Mickey did all the things that always turned him on and he couldn’t feel it, right now he could feel all of it. He was no longer in control, his body was taking him over as he crawled under the desk, he was certain he couldn’t possibly be more turned on by Mickey right now, and Mickey wasn’t even aware of any of it.

He ran his hands up Mickey’s legs, looking up at Mickey, trying to convey, that this time it wasn’t just about making Mickey feel good, which he had been doing a lot lately. He saw Mickey look down and his face turned down, he seemed to be contemplating whether telling Ian not to or not. Ian didn’t give him the chance to give an answer he just pushed the chair back a little and crawled up Mickey’s body. Pulling down on Mickey’s pants and licking his lips, Ian looked up at Mickey again who was staring at him wide-eyed. He shook his head, mouthing something along the lines of you don’t have to.  He did that sometimes now.

Ian just shushed him as he kissed up his legs, biting lightly on Mickey’s inner thighs. He listened to Mickey talks to whomever he was chatting with while pulling his underwear down and moaning lowly.

“Yeah…you think you got it co..overed.”  Mickey stuttered as Ian started licking his shaft, really getting into it. It was amazing how Ian had been working overtime to please him lately. Mickey was trying to talk one of the idiots over at the garage on how to do his job without having to go down there. It was really hard to focus with Ian currently sucking the life out of his dick.  He tried to talk fast and get off the phone, especially when he felt himself being pulled off the chair and into the floor. Phone still attached to his ear, talking, and then there was a warm, wet tongue licking at his hole. Fuck…Ian was good at that. When the first finger slid in, he felt himself wonder getting irritated. Ian was teasing him in all the right ways, he could really use Ian’s big cock in his ass. He longed for the days, waited for the day when he could scream out from the burn of being stretched out. 

Ian smirked, as Mickey was distractedly trying to get off the phone, and lubed himself up. So ready for this, to feel Mickey’s ass clench around his aching hard-on.  He almost laughed out loud when he lined himself up and touched Mickey’s ass with his dick. Not even going in yet, just to let him know what was going to happen right now. Mickey’s eyes widened and he looked over at Ian, looking down to make sure.  Ian smiled at him and he swore the fire that was suddenly all over Mickey’s face almost made him cum right there without any penetration. That would have been disappointing.

“Look dude. Do the fucking work before I have to come down there and hit you over the head with a steel rod. Bye.” Mickey swiftly hung up the phone looking at Ian with wide eyes.  “yeah?” He asked. Ian nodded.

“Ever since that fucking picture today…almost didn’t make it out of there alive babe.” Ian said waiting for the go ahead. “Need you so bad…I can stop if you have work….” He tried.

“Have work to do? Really concerned about that now, you weren’t when you walked in here and started gobbling up my cock like it was a Thanksgiving turkey. Get on me man. Been waiting for this.” Mickey pushed against him, and Ian obliged and entered Mickey pulling him on, top of him.  “Ride me…wanna watch you.” Ian moaned out, which was followed by the most beautiful sound Ian had possibly ever heard.

“I’ve missed this…so fucking much,” Ian says breathing out, feeling all of Mickey, it had been so long since he had been able to or even enjoy it. It felt so good that he knew he wouldn’t last long, he wouldn’t be able to. He needed to get Mickey there fast.

“Fuck. So good, nothing as good as this. Not gonna last.” Mickey let out, Ian smiled knowing that they were on the same page.

“Thank god,” Ian says causing Mickey to laugh as they wrap themselves up in each other, making love, Ian looks into Mickey’s eyes and wonders why he was ever afraid, Mickey loves him, He loves Mickey.

“I love you,” Ian whispers out wrapping Mickey up closer.

“I love you.” Mickey breathes out before leaning in and biting down on Ian's neck before he starts riding him even harder.

**Author's Note:**

> as always. mystifcallygallavich on tumblr. loves. 
> 
> ok so this took a turn... hope you enjoy it/


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